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‘When Johanna draws a family, she draws us’

September 2012, The Collegiate Times

The Chittenden family home, not too far from Lane Stadium, is almost the complete opposite of the football stadium on game day.

You walk in, and each wall is a different color — one light blue turquoise, another a soft yellow.  When you look through the window you see a big yard, a far cry from the little concrete square the boys had to play in while living in the Dominican Republic.

As their father, Tim Chittenden, walks in through the back door the Chittenden boys move about the house — Adam, age 15; Noah, age 12; and Jake, age 9. Their mom, Chris, brews some authentic Dominican coffee.

After hearing their story of their missionary trip overseas, and how they want so badly to adopt child, I can’t help but imagine another addition to the Chittenden family — a 6-year-old girl named Johanna.

—

The family just moved to Blacksburg after two years working, living and serving in the Dominican Republic.

“We had gone and helped with Hurricane Katrina and performed some mission work in Mississippi, but we wanted our kids to be of a good age where they would get [the meaning of service],” Chris said.

Chris and Tim were parents committed to their children’s understanding the meaning of helping others.

“In the Dominican Republic, if I were to teach, the kids could go to an English school for free while we were able to serve the community, and everything sort of fell into place,” Chittenden said.

So the suburban family, motivated by service, moved from their home in Raleigh, N.C. to the Dominican Republic.

Tim, a consultant for IBM, telecommuted while the family lived abroad, and Chris became a teacher at the Santiago Christian School.

In that time, Chris, Tim and their three children fell in love with a little 6-year-old girl named Johanna.

Johanna was a student at a newer school, New Girls Hope Academy, where girls without birth certificates could get started in their education and hopefully end up getting the credentials necessary to transfer into a public school and someday get honest work.

She had never been to school — most of her peer’s only knew one, if any, of the letters in the alphabet.

Near the first day of school, the Chittenden family discovered Johanna’s mother had planned on giving her child away due to some very rough personal challenges at home.

“Johanna’s father had passed away, and her mother was HIV positive,” Chittenden said as her children looked on, clearly familiar with the story.

Despite her challenges, Johanna’s mother was one of few mothers who would visit her daughter at the school, and was working hard to keep her family intact.

At the same time, noting the urgency of her situation, the family began to make plans if the opportunity ever came up to adopt Johanna.

“One week before we went to leave the Dominican Republic, we discovered that her mom had become very sick from the HIV,” Chittenden said.

“Some of Johanna’s mom’s last words were, ‘When I close my eyes [for] the last time, I want to know that someone’s caring for her,’” Chittenden said.  “Soon after that, Johanna’s birth mother passed away.”

This was a difficult time because Johanna’s family was very close.  Her grandmother feared the adoption would cause backlash from the community, and the family began to lose hope for adopting their little sister.

The family moved back to the United States at the end of their two years of service, and Johanna transitioned into living with her grandmother.

The family then discovered the opportunity to adopt their new little sister, and bring her home.

After all, when Johanna was asked to draw a family in class, she drew the Chittenden family.

This anecdote was indicative every other story they’ve showed me, images on their family in the Dominican Republic — two white parents, three white boys, and one Dominican girl.

Even as the family spoke, it almost felt like Johanna was near and that she was already a part of their family.

Jake, the youngest, hops up to show pictures.

“This was her first time at the beach. This was her first time at the pool,” Jake said. The family is clearly close to her — they already think of her as their little sister.

He so badly wants to have a little sister.

“I’m excited, but I also hear that they’re horrible! But at least I wont be the youngest anymore,” Jake said.

—

As I’m listening, I sit down at their dinner table delicious, homemade chocolate brownie and some vanilla ice cream —a brownie that, strangely enough, is the reason I ended up in their living room.

The cost of the adoption, to move Johanna from this “barrio,” which is Dominican for poor neighborhood to the United States, is around $25,000.

The family has had to be creative in how to raise the money to bring Johanna to her new home.

“It’s been really cool to watch our kids get creative and get involved, and our friends … who have jumped in in such creative ways to help all of us out,” Chittenden said.

“Every day, we all take our spare change and put in a jar, and then we roll it to try and add up enough to bring Johanna home,” Jake explains.

With a hearty donation from Affordable Fencing in Christiansburg, the family began to build a stand from which they could do some business. Their neighbors helped them realize how they could use the location of their quaint home to their advantage.

“They told us, you know that thousands of people are going to walk by here each game day. Why not try and get them to buy something?” Chittenden asked.

The adoption process is more than finding the funds to complete the process.  Cohabitation in the DR, to penning their own autobiographies and background checks, while also trying to hold real jobs, has almost become a part time job for the family.

In the meantime, while completing the fundraising, the family has Skyped with Johanna every Sunday.

“It’s been remarkable to see the way that people have reached out,” Tim said.  “It’s not like we are asking people to give checks to us.  We’ve gotten some really remarkable gifts in other ways, like frequent flier miles. But people are just so moved by our story, and I think that’s great for the kids to see.”

—

The power of helping others was the reason the Chittenden’s went to the DR in the first place, and now it seems to be forming a full circle.

That move didn’t come without a price, though.  The transition in school and life is an interesting one for the boys, who are very active.

Adam swims, while Jake plays soccer. But the language barrier they experienced while away was probably the most transformative.

“It was almost like we had no option but to learn the language. It’s not that we didn’t want to, but we definitely had to, just to get by,” Adam said. “If I wanted to know what the other kids were saying about me, I realized that I had to learn it quickly.”

The social transition was eye opening for the entire family.

“When you’re in an environment like this, you are suddenly the minority, when you’ve always been used to being in the majority.  I think that was definitely an interesting experience for the boys,” Tim said.

“Dad’s right,” Noah said.  “It was really interesting when we would walk around just to go to a gas station, and we would be stared at because people maybe thought we were wealthier than them just because of our skin color.”

—

Now, back at Tech where Chris was a member of the class of 1991, their stand is called “Gobble Goodies: Confections for a Cause,” where they sell food before Tech home games this season.

The food available to purchase will vary. At the Georgia Tech game they sold “First-Game Truffles,” football-shaped truffles, which Chris admits were very time-consuming to make.

Another treat called “Yup, it’s legal,” is absolutely addictive — puffed corn sprinkled with a brown sugar coating.

Their take on puppy chow, minted “Hokie Chow”, was very popular as well. They also offer drinks, and hope to offer some hot beverages during the colder games.

Due to travel and other personal circumstances, Gobble Goodies weren’t available at the Austin-Peay game, but they will be front and center at Tech’s home game this weekend against Bowling Green State University.

The stand is located at the corner of Southgate and Edgewood, near the stadium. During week one, they were able to raise over $200 to add to their almost $7,000.

They have officially raised a third of the costs needed to adopt Johanna, and plan to reach the $25,000 goal by the beginning of next summer.

“We just can’t wait to have to her here,” Noah said.  “It doesn’t even feel like work.  It just feels like we are trying to get our little sister here, and we all realize that every bit counts.”

“We don’t really know if this is going to work out. Some days, we sit around and wonder — is this going to pan out? Are we going to be able to raise enough money? Do I need to get a full time job?” Chris said.

But she also realized the benefit in being able to be there for her family, and ensuring their development.  Development that they hope will include the addition of a fourth child.

“At the same time, we’re not so sure what is the best decision. All you can do is pray.”

What do you model?

In the spirit of Never Eat Alone, tonight I’m sharing dinner with a new friend.  When I wrote about Never Eat Alone a few weeks ago, it was the first time that we met.  Since then, we have gotten to know each other through time spent with mutual friends, sharing meals together, etc.; typical fare.  Time spent with Shereen is never typical though, I have to say.  She’s a really unique person; when we first got together weeks back we spent hours talking about everything under the sun.  She’s one of those warm people that you instantly feel comfortable talking to. It’s, no doubt, impressive.

That night where we shared dinner, she asked me several questions that really got me thinking about so much.  These kinds of questions I’ve only ever experienced during heart-to-heart experiences with close friends.  For example, now that my best friend, Kristin, lives 3,000 miles away and we only talk for dozens of minutes each day, I can easily say that it had been months since my brain felt such…deep thought about thoughts (ironic, a little?).

Shereen and I have only known each other for a month yet somehow it feels like it has been years. Knowing and understanding my love for learning about and engaging with others, last week while I was out of town, Shereen posed an interesting question to me to think about until the next time we got together.  I’m currently mulling over this question she posed to me…that I have to answer tonight during dinner.

What is the most important (indirect) lesson you would hope to impart on students that cannot be daught directly from curriculum?

I’ve thought about the answer to her question for days.  Literally, hours each day. And I think my answer is perseverance.  Now, after I decided on this value, I began to think to myself: why is this my answer? After more thought, I asserted that it’s my answer because it’s what I believe, it’s what I value, and it’s what I model.  It’s the very emotion that has pushed me through every single challenge in my life.  It’s what other people sense when they meet me.  It’s what my loved ones call upon me for when they are feeling a little less persevering.  Hell, it’s even the words that’s remained on the dry-erase board on my front door for months, since KH wrote it there, and has pushed us through a lot of the challenges we’ve experienced this summer.  “Perseverance conquers all.”  Even when I’m not “on” with my “professional persona” in front of my students or in the public, it’s still consistently what I hope to embody.

This is why I love asking people about what’s important to them (or, what makes them awesome?).  I can’t remember the last time that I purposefully and consciously tried to dive so deeply into my conscience and figure out what it is about me that I value.  And, by virtue of that, what it is that I would want my students to learn.  And it’s not anything that would be pronounced in a learning outcome; it would be what I embody inside and outside of the classroom.  They should be able to see it in my attitude, my demeanor, all the time.  No matter the situation or the environment.  Consistency is importance when it comes to authenticity – and I’m no fake.

They should know that above everything I value this and that, at the very least, I would hope that they would consider how they may value it as well, if at all.  It’s a quality that I think I am uniquely positioned to help them understand. When thinking of portraying different personas in different environments, sure – sometimes I’m a little more rambunctious than others and in a professional environment I may be a little more calm than I am in others.  But, regardless, perseverance is key.  For me, what I model is what I value.

What do you model?

My plan is to productive.

Most of the time I am a procrastinator. But I am absolutely determined to make sure that I do not waste time this week.  Three weeks from today, I will begin the fall semester, and at that point I will be exactly two semesters away from completing my Master’s degree.  With the fall semester comes even more requests for your time, more directions to be pulled in, and less time to do all of it because of class.  Even as I grow older, productivity never gets any less important.

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A small glance at part of my to do list for the week…to follow up on and complete some of these activities.

I am planning for this week to be that week that I finally get a lot of my big projects completed.  Other projects will get started so I can chip away at them throughout the fall semester.  Many of those have already been accomplished as of yesterday.  Ancient to-do list items will be followed up on and my e-mail inbox will be empty.  Unfortunately I will probably cook less, but I will make sure my health doesn’t suffer.  I am hopeful, but realistic. This is why I have also incorporated the gym into my plans every. single. morning. Physical exercise, for me, just as important as that mental exercise.

Here’s to a productive week. Happy Monday everyone!

A meaningful memory from YLF.

Last week, we were all entering the House Chamber at the Virginia Capitol building to perform a mock reading of a new bill, and to examine exactly how laws are passed in the Commonwealth.  The group I was with was a part of the Youth Leadership Forum, a week-long conference designed to teach the student delegates about the importance of self-advocacy, civic engagement, accepting their abilities, clarifying their goals, and other important traits as they grow older with a varying range of disabilities.

The students I worked with for the week ranged from being deaf/hard-of-hearing, to physically disabled, to mentally disabled, to intellectually disabled.  I have a great amount of experience working with students with special needs, and this one was just as rewarding as it usually is.

As all of the students were getting situated, one student was having a bit of a time pushing his own wheelchair.  Another student, who just happens to be deaf, assisted with helping the student into the space, and finding him a spot at a desk that was comfortable.  Luckily, I know just a little bit of American SIgn Language, and had been able to communicate *roughly* with the delegate throughout the week, but even with our communication “barrier” I tracked him down, re-explained the AC4P movement, and shared my wristband with him.

One of the most rewarding moments I have experienced in a long, long time.

One of just many fantastic memories from the Youth Leadership Forum last week.

The best part about this interaction, I think, wasn’t even photographed. At the end of the week-long forum, while we were both leaving to head home, I waved goodbye to the student.  But he did me one better – he came up to me, and gave me a giant bear hug, and let me know that we would see each other soon.  He was still proudly donning his green wristband. I wonder who he will share it with…

It’s just wonderful.  Goes to show that communication knows no boundaries and compassion knows no limits.

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.

“Connection is why we are here.
It’s what gives us purpose and meaning to our lives.”

TED talks are something that I really enjoy relaxing with in my spare time. The “problem,” for me, with TED talks is that they always, ALWAYS make me think. Sometimes those thoughts manifest themselves in actions, other times they stay in my mind and don’t travel to far.  This TED talk is one that is manifesting itself in real-time…

I recently was clicking around the TED website, and found a fantastic talk. It was titled “The Power of Vulnerability.” Before we get to that, here’s a primer for TED Rookies.

– – –

The acronym TED stands for “Technology Education and Design.” When TED talks began years ago, they were focused on the technology industry; for example Sony’s compact disc (CD) was more or less officially debuted at a TED Conference.  In the nearly 30 years since their inception, TED talks have grown to encompass all kinds of different ideas; ideas that are worth spreading.

TED Talks encompass just about anything; from fascinating research findings, to pushing the world forward with new technologies, to simple talks about how to learn a new language.  For example, the very first 3-minute TED talk was about something that most people find very simple: how to tie your shoes!


Side note: the TED Talk iPhone App is a great way to discover new talks.  You can put in specific criteria like how much free time you have, what kind of mood you’re in, etc. – and it’ll beam up a very intentional TED talk playlist, just for you.  This is how I found the most recent TED talk that really intrigued me.

– – –

Brené Brown is a professor at the University of Houston and author of the book, Daring Greatly.  Here’s a link to her website.  One thing that really caught my eye? Another one of my favorite books, Half of a Yellow Sun (and the author, Chimamanda Adichie also gave one of my favorite TED Talks titled The Danger of Single Story) is “on her nightstand,” listed on the right side of her website.

While I haven’t read her book just yet, hearing her TEDx talk last night inspired me to go ahead and purchase the audiobook version, and it quickly jumped to the top of my summer reading list.  It was delivered at a TEDx Event in Houston, and it appears that the theme was all about expanding perceptions.

Thousands of stories over the course of six years. This was the research that was was the basis for Brown’s talk and it has many highlights, many of which are at the mid-way point of the talk.  These are some that stood out to me. The “they” that is consistently referenced below are Brown’s aforementioned subjects:

  • They had the compassion to be kind to themeslves first, and then to others, because as it turns out we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And the last was that they had the connection – and this was the hard part – as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should* be, in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely to do that for connection.”
  • They fully embraced vulnerability…what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.
  • The willingness to say “I love you” first. The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees. The willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.

“In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and to be seen. Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, and vulnerably seen.”
Brené Brown

A friend once said to me, “I don’t want to work so hard and have nothing come of it.”  A bit pessimistic, yes, yet in reality this is actually one of my biggest fears, also.  While I am always confident in the fact that if I put hard work in, results will be delivered, the raw reality is that this is not always the case.  It’s no reason not to try, but that voice tries to convince us not to pretty consistently.

What did I learn from all of this? From watching this TEDx talk, from re-living conversations within that context, and applying some of her findings to my own? Life is a crap-shoot.  You never really know whether or not something is going to work out but if you don’t take that chance – if you don’t make yourself vulnerable – you’re always going to have to wonder “WHAT IF.” You can’t be confident that you put your best foot forward, instead you will wonder what if you had taken advantage of that opportunity. Sad, but true.

I think of this, especially, when I think of interpersonal relationships.  The notion of the invite – inviting someone to join you for an event, a meal, an outing, or anything – and being unsure if they will reciprocate.  Risking awkwardly inviting yourself because you enjoy their company, even if you’re unsure they’d enjoy the same.  You’ll never know unless you try.  And when you try, connection can be made – because you put yourself out there, you made yourself vulnerable.

As I think about all the freshmen that are coming to campus in a few weeks, and I think of moving for my job in the next year, I keep thinking of the word “transition.”  From where I sit, vulnerability facilitates positive transition. Putting yourself out there in a trusting, authentic way can be frightening and at times it’s perfectly acceptable (and even advised) to have your guard up. If you want connection, you have to be vulnerable.  You must have the courage and compassion to be vulnerable.

Let yourself be seen. Don’t numb. Practice gratitude and joy. And believe that you are enough.

For today, that is all. Thanks for reading. :)

*For more on my understanding of the “Tyranny of the Should,” see this link, as referenced in Meg Jay’s book The Defining Decade.

 

Compassion.

A few weeks ago during New Student Orientation, I was working to help students who were a part of the University Studies department (and unsure on their eventual major) pick out their classes for the fall semester.  One morning, I approach a group of students and ask them how their day is going, before we got started with the long, 1.5 hour session about what US is, how to navigate HokieSPA (the online course registration portal/system), and the like.

My day is going pretty shittily.

Quite frankly the profanity caught me off-guard but this was the response of one student in that group. In an effort to see what I could do to make him feel better, I asked him why his day was going so badly. He shares a bomb-shell with me.  His life-long companion, his dog had passed away just before he come to Orientation.  My heart sank.  I was reeling, so I could only imagine how badly he felt.

I know that coming to college is such an intense transition anyways, so I couldn’t even fathom the sadness this student was feeling as he was trying to get his way through the 1.5 day Orientation and follow that by trying to cope with his immense loss.  I mean I know that I’ve only had Charlotte, my beagle-hound mix, for two years this month. I’d be devastated if she were to pass away unexpectedly. Or even expectedly. Yikes, losing pets is the worst, regardless.

So after the session was complete, I was trying to think of something that I could do for this student to make him feel better.  I thought and thought and thought but I couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t be super weird. So I decided to settle on something relatively simple.  I took a business card out of my wallet, and I wrote…

” [insert his dog’s name] will always be a Hokie. <3 VT “

I handed the card to the student as he left, and he said thanks.  I wasn’t sure if anything would come from it, but I told him that if he ever needed anything while he was on campus, than to be sure to reach out to me.  For me, I had to do that.  I would have felt absolutely horrible knowing that maybe there was something I COULD have done; but hadn’t. So although it was still a bit odd to me, I was happy that I put my best foot forward in maybe, just maybe, being there for that student when he needed something to take the edge off.

Fast forward a week, and I’m working for the week in Richmond.  One night, I check my cell phone and got an e-mail with the subject line “Thanks.” The student wrote,

Hey Justin, thank you for being so kind last week during orientation. Obviously it wasn’t easy for me being there when [insert his dog’s name] died but your kindness and helpfulness definitely helped to make it less difficult. When I first visited Virginia Tech around this time last year for a tour I remember seeing you and it was immediately obvious that everyone on campus respected you. I can’t really say for sure whether listening to your story about being brought up a mountain by your friends convinced me I wanted to attend VT but it certainly didn’t hurt the idea that it seemed to be a nice school with great students and faculty. So once again thank you for being such a nice person because it really meant a lot to me.

Just goes to show…you never know who’s watching, you never know how your act of kindness might make someone’s day, and you never, ever know the true impact that you may have on people.  I’m so happy that my nervous, likely awkard gesture meant a lot to him.

#UtProsim

Nature.

“L K Speas, aka Conundrum, will backpack the AT beginning in May 2013. She will hike as far as she can this summer, and then complete the trail next summer. The AT, nearly 2200 miles, begins on Springer Mountain, GA, and ends at Mt. Katahdin, ME. Conundrum will begin her trek on Springer Mountain on May 6 or 7. Follow her AT Adventure at lspeas.wordpress.com. Happy trails!”

How amazing, right?  Let me tell you about my views on nature…

Let me start by saying that if there were an experience or thing that I have learned, that I do not think I would have ever learned if not for living in the New River Valley for so long, it would be having a new-found appreciation for nature. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a city guy at heart, and I really value having (extremely) quick access to necessities; like grocery shopping, social outlets, malls, etc. I truly am a city guy at heart. But in the past few years, I have been much more intentional about exploring the natural area surrounding Blacksburg, Virginia, and have grown to appreciate it as opposed to avoid it.

One of those people who helped me do that was a friend named Chris. Chris, better known as CFE ;) , and I lived in the same suite during my freshman year of college and have remained close ever since. Chris took me on my very first “hike” to Pandapas Pond in the New River Valley, and I think that was the moment that I really fell in love with nature. Seeing so many things that were natural, and not necessarily man made, was eye-opening to me. Being surrounded by and immersed in that even more so.

Beginning with that adventure, I had never really been somewhere that was so inaccessible – and therefore I only go on such excursions with people that I really, truly trust – and so raw and naturally beautiful. Obviously, with the hike to the Cascades, that emotion was definitely was just magnified.

Kristin and I after tubing down the New River together, two summers ago!
Kristin and I after tubing down the New River together, two summers ago!

One of my favorite memories in life was a trip that Kristin and I took to the beach, when she carried me out to wear the water was almost up to her chest.  Mortifying? Absolutely – the ocean is such an unpredictable beast. Yet it was a moment that really made me realize how much I trusted her; similar to the excursions that I’ve made twice (once with KH, and another time with other friends, including CFE) down the New River Junction (a trip pictured above) while tubing.

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Many people hike the Appalachian Trail every year, but the descriptions on her blog of her adventures and her encounters are just so interesting to me!

So, when I found this blog and heard about the journey that this amazing woman is on, I was awestruck. I don’t think I (phsyically) could ever do this – especially not on my own – but through adventures like hiking to Pandapas, driving out deep, deep into Amish Country, and exploring the country side otherwise, I feel a deeper connection with nature than I ever have at any other point in my life. I’m excited to continue reading about this woman’s adventures…I sure hope she hikes as much as she desires.

She defines perseverance in a very impressive way. It’s inspiring, aspirational, and motivational for me.  No, I don’t have a dream to hike the AT but I do have dreams, just like everyone else does, to set a goal and achieve it.  I can’t wait to see how far she gets.  It’s also amazing to hear her reflections on people that she truly cares about, who are helping her along the way.

I have a feeling that for both “Conundrum” and I, nature equates to friendship in some sort of equation.