The brief hiatus I took from life at the end of last week (and a very abrupt break from e-mail) resulted in me having over 50 need-to-be-replied-to messages in my inbox come Sunday evening. But, now it is Monday morning and I am grateful for yet another Monday morning where I can say I have less than five messages requiring my attention at the moment. And yes, I do always try to keep my inbox down to zero…anything else intimidates me.
Anyways, one e-mail I regretfully missed at the end of last week was a follow up to a blog post that I wrote last week about the middle school assemblies we had last week through Actively Caring. The mom of one middle schooler had taken the time in the day prior to the assembly to thank me for my service to the school. It’s always nice to get messages like that becuase, quite frankly, it’s such a nice thing to hear that is just so completely unnecessary — let me explain. I still would have marched into that school with a goal of connecting with those kids, no matter what. BUT it was still so uplifting, honoring, and humbling to have a complete stranger e-mail you something so meaningful. So while “unnecessary”, it was definitely welcomed.
I decided to share last week’s post about Community with this mom – who also happened to work at VT, and she shared her blog with me in return. Her reception of my blog was monumental, in my eyes, and so moving. I was excited to read what she wrote about as well when she linked me to it. And as blessed as can be, after I click on the link I’m looking at a blog titled “expedition leadership.” It referenced me, but that wasn’t the part that I focused on. The part I focused on was:
It’s risky sometimes – putting yourself out there. Being willing to open up and share – your self, your ideas, your life, your fears, struggles and triumphs – requires a level of vulnerability. (See “Trust“… hmm, perhaps this isn’t so much of a detour after all?) But experiencing it from this side, I’m reminded of the tremendously powerful impact a person is able to have when they open up genuinely and share – it creates connections, builds relationships, inspires exploration… changes lives.
Somehow she took the words right out of my mouth. I wrote about the same exact thing just the week before as a Guest Blogger for Student Centers and Activities.
Just last week, I was at Interview Weekend for the Higher Education program here at Tech and I was connecting with a candidate who had just shared with me his wife’s gluten intolerance. In an effort to connect with him (I don’t have any major allergies, myself) I reflected, out loud, on how my minor allergy to shellfish is inflated by alcohol. Funny story, you know – eat sushi, drink wine, scratchy throat. I didn’t try to make it seem even nearly as bed as the diet he forges ahead with for his wife, even though he’s not affected but wants to be supportive (admirable). In the middle of the conversation a friend, from across the room, informs me that apparently I’m very good at over-sharing. And that remark stuck in my mind for like a WEEK. And I was like wait…sure, I’ve only known this guy for 10 minutes, but am I over sharing? IS THERE SUCH A THING?
The above passage cemented that there is no such thing. Not for me at least. If I meet you at a conference, sorry, but no – I don’t want to talk about your research or what you do or your job before I get to know who YOU are. I had felt as if I was at fault or in the wrong in some way for trying to connect with the student but in retrospect I felt like maybe I didn’t share enough, actually. Sure, one of the other students guessed I was allergic to penicillin when I mentioned my only major allergies were medicine, but was there anything else I could have confided in him to make him more comfortable? Don’t know. I won’t know. But if I learned anything from that interaction it’s that I’m not going to let that happen again next time.
It sort of reminds me, also, of three weeks ago when I was in Turner Place. I was running a bit ahead of schedule trying to grab lunch and get back to the office, and I think I’m just allergic to being early. I saw a student walking around inside the dining hall with a bookstore bag so I assumed he was a visitor. I stopped him because I hadn’t met anyone knew yet that day. This was identical to what took place a week before in Owens. Both times I stopped the students, offered directions, and then introduced myself as a graduate student working on his second degree from VT. I gave them both my business card and informed them that I used to be President of Hokie Ambassadors and to please not hesitate to e-mail me any questions if they thought of them. In the moment I felt like I was freaking them out – as if they wanted to be doing anything BUT speaking to me.
But my perception was changed, again, just like my perception was changed with Amy’s blog post. Both students e-mailed me and shared that I was the only person on our campus, outside of their tour guide and admissions rep, that spoke to them without being asked a question first.
They both told me that they were choosing Virginia Tech because of that chance interaction. Because it made them feel like a part of the community because of the small facts I shared with about myself in order to bring out the best in them.
Over sharing? Yeah right.